Posts Tagged ‘bullying’

Intuition & Live & Let Live

Tuesday, December 13th, 2016

A recent conversation prompted me to think about intuition, passion and how we can create and live from the heart. Creativity can relate to anything, not just words put down on paper, a painting or perhaps an actor on the stage. Deciding to run our lives based on intuition of what is right for us can influence our entire lives, including the quality of that life.

So I’m going to get down and dirty here. When I was a kid I was bullied extensively. I’m not revealing that to elicit sympathy. No, not at all. I’m no different in that respect than many people. It took me a long time to understand how I made it easy for people to bully me. You see, I spent considerable time negating and ignoring my intuition even when it proved extremely accurate. Intuition, if I’d listened to it, would always tell me what was right for me whether it was choosing what book to write, what to wear, what to say…you name it. When I allowed others to influence what I was going to write, wear and say, I wasn’t being true to myself and sometimes the misery that resulted proved acute.

When I create passionately I’m coming from the gut. That part that says, “This feels right.” Back in the day I heard people refer to creating a book this way as, “Writing the book of your heart.” The controversy comes when some writers think this is bunk and say creating with your heart is dumb. Yes, I’ve heard some writers say this…really.

How does it relate to everyday life?

People seem to have a heck of a time with the concept of live and let live. Group think, whether it be creativity, politics, religion, trends…well…it can influence many of us to pretend to be something we’re not. Of course, this creates all sorts of problems within us, a lack of authenticity that eventually bites us in the ass. Being inauthentic always, always catches up with us. I’ve seen this happen to authors and I’ve seen it happen in so many other avenues of people’s lives.

So this holiday season, think of ways you can be authentic. Think of ways you can be who you are without demanding others be the same.

Drowning The Bully In Silence

Friday, July 27th, 2012

Bullying in schools has been a hot topic of late. That’s not what this blog is about at the core. In this blog I’m focused mostly on adults behaving badly toward other adults.

Many of us were bullied as kids and recall the pain of that experience. I was bullied extensively from grade school through junior high. I was fortunate that much of it slowed down in high school. I can tell you the misery was acute. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. I survived it. What I find equally disturbing is that adults bully other adults as if they still were in high school.

Bullying in cyberspace, whether it be through reviews that aren’t constructive criticism and are mean-spirited (what author hasn’t received a review like that), or through websites that purport to “tell it like it is,” bullying is alive and well. I wouldn’t say bullying is worse than it used to be, but I would say that adults are teaching children that is acceptable to bully other people. Children are now watching reality television, which by and large tells people that being mean is funny and entertaining. Some parents aren’t telling them what they’re seeing on television is not acceptable behavior. I’m not here to tell you we should ban reality television. People can change the channel if they want, and they can educate their kids that bullying (even if shown as entertainment on television) is not acceptable behavior. Our politicians condone bullying and do it all the time, and that should also tell you a lot about what adults feel is acceptable behavior. Let’s just say our society is rife with people taking pot shots at each other through social networks and other venues.

Many workplaces have bullies. Including the publishing industry. So here’s my advice to the bullied if it is in a publishing world situation. If you’re an adult and being picked on by mean girl or girls (or mean boys if you will), it has nothing to do with you. The person doing the bullying has serious problems within their own personality. Insecurity, self-esteem issues, you name it. Believe it or not, the more attention you give the bully, the more they will bully. Best policy? Ignore. Ignore. And ignore again. Yes, it is hard as hell to do that sometimes. Been there and done that. Immerse yourself in the positive.

Refuse to join in any discussions by readers or authors that thrives on extreme snark, cruelty and bullying. Don’t give them the fuel. Enjoy the good world you’ve created and remember why you’re writing novels. Let the bully drown in the silence.

Simple as that.